The M word is usually spoken in hushed tones. It evokes sympathy expressed with half-smiles, platitudes, unsolicited advice, and statistical assertions of odds of success. These are all meant to comfort you. Instead, they invalidate your pain by labeling your tragedy as an “everyday occurrence.” These expressions of sympathy can make you feel silenced even as you suffer—even as a piece of you becomes forever a statistic. In my case, five words snatched me from my dream come true,
“We can’t find the heartbeat.”
By now, you realize we are speaking of miscarriage.
Sadly, miscarriages are a relatively common occurrence. Even more grievous is that most women are socially taught to sweep it under the rug. We are told to go back to work, go back to our daily routine, and are not given time to properly grieve our loss.
We do not grieve like those who have no hope.
As believers in the sanctity of life, the severity of this loss has to be acknowledged. This grief is navigated by the couples affected. As Christ followers, we are called to grieve well and not as those who have no hope (1 Thess. 4:13). The hope of the gospel gives us the strength to face our grief with the knowledge that “weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning” (Ps 30:5b). The hope of the gospel gives us a long-term perspective that “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore . . .” (Rev 21:4).
Admittedly, it is difficult to stay focused on this hope. As with everything else in the Christian journey, discipleship in this arena happens in community. Our community has been instructed to “Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). Women (and couples) at the start of the grief journey can learn through the example of those further along the path. Enough cannot be said for the importance of being surrounded by those who can continue to point back to the gospel at a time of upheaval and pain. Whether you are in the beginning of your journey or years into it, I would like to invite you to join us as we walk through our grief together. We will meet to work through a study of God’s word that will show us how to cling to Jesus and the hope that we have in Him. We will meet to honor God by praising and thanking Him for the blessing of children, however long they are loaned to us. We will meet to celebrate the fact that one day Jesus will undo every sad thing.
If you would like to join us, please email me at janarocken@gmail.com, and I will get you the details.
-Jana Rockensock (Mercy Hill Member)